Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
