too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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