he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
