two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
