A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
