I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never joke about your clitoris.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
