Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
