She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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