I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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