I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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