That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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