Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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