I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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