Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
