Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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