I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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