I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
