just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
