So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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