as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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