you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
