Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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