i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
