Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
