As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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