Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
