I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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