I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
