I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
