I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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