so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
