hell yes lets make some ravioli
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
