i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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