My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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