I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
