I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
COCAINE IS GR8
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
