I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
