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You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
