even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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