and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
