It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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