we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
