i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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