that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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