the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
