you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
