Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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