just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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