I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
