Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
