it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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