so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
