sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
