I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
