if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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