I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
