I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
